Sunday, 13 September 2009

Film review: GI Joe - Rise of the Cobra

What an atrocious film. Overbearingly loud, a plot which insults your intelligence and so much CGI its hard to tell what's real and what's not, are all factors which make for an uncomfortable vieiwing.

The story (such as there is one) pivots around the fighting force of the 'Joes' (pumped up versions of masculinity) and their bid to protect to world from evil.

Sound simple?

Well in truth the narrative doesn't get more complicated than that, and in a nutshell that is the fundamental problem.

The plot is so basic, that you don't feel emotionally invested in the film, and when a 'twist' does come, its signposted so obviously that its not surprising in the slightest.

The script is also a total dog's dinner. All the characters sound the same and are two dimensional, while there are numerous cringeworthy one liners which fall well short of the comedic barrier.

Further disappointment comes from virtually all the main perfromances, where seemingly everyone has a dodgy accent.

Christopher Eccleston (although an excellent Doctor Who) is a Brit playing a Scot (with disastrous consequences) while Jonathon Pryce (another Brit) is the US President yet has an English accent.

Sienna Millar runs around scantilly clad for no reason whatsoever, Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans were as wooden as they come, while the CGI was used so heavily it became irritating to watch.

Thankfully I'm not the only one of this opinion, with the average score currently on IMDB only 6 out of 10, a low score for such a high-profile blockbuster.

What's not so thankful is that there's a sequel rumoured...

Verdict: Rubbish of the highest order that will make you want to tear your own hair out while watching it 3/10